A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale'.
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, “So, what's your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA.”
“In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured
a dog would be eavesdropping.” ”I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...”
“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job
at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”
“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.” “I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the guy says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he's a bullshitter. He's never been out of the yard."
Last Edit: May 20, 2016 9:39:45 GMT -6 by Rickster
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
I love this. My dog "talks", but only with facial expressions and behaviors. The other night I heard some rustling in the kitchen and went out to see what it was and as I entered my dog, Wicket, jumped away from the bag of takeout boxes that didn't fit in the garbage can and were in a garbage bag next to the door waiting to be taken out the next time I took the dog outside. The look on his face said "Oh, hey. I wasn't trying to break into those burrito containers. I don't know what you heard, but it wasn't that."
The other thing he "says" that cracks me up is when I get his treats out. I taught him a new command: "give kisses". "Give kisses" is for him to put his head down and present his forehead to be kissed. The treats come out and he gets up next to me and presents his head and if I don't kiss and give the treat, he looks up until he makes eye contact and then drops his head again and I swear, I can practically hear him yelling "kiss me now, hurry up, I need a treat. KISS THE DOGGY!!"
Last Edit: May 21, 2016 1:41:34 GMT -6 by Glencairn
I love this. My dog "talks", but only with facial expressions and behaviors. The other night I heard some rustling in the kitchen and went out to see what it was and as I entered my dog, Wicket, jumped away from the bag of takeout boxes that didn't fit in the garbage can and were in a garbage bag next to the door waiting to be taken out the next time I took the dog outside. The look on his face said "Oh, hey. I wasn't trying to break into those burrito containers. I don't know what you heard, but it wasn't that."
The other thing he "says" that cracks me up is when I get his treats out. I taught him a new command: "give kisses". "Give kisses" is for him to put his head down and present his forehead to be kissed. The treats come out and he gets up next to me and presents his head and if I don't kiss and give the treat, he looks up until he makes eye contact and then drops his head again and I swear, I can practically hear him yelling "kiss me now, hurry up, I need a treat. KISS THE DOGGY!!"
How much do you want for that dog...
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.