Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2015 0:47:00 GMT -6
* Notice up front..this is a personal post on the end of a long night, considering a lot of things. I'm dealing with a major personal issue tho...and it's quite a handful.
Some background would simply be that I'm Wiccan, comfortable and certain in my faith as it tends to coexist with, but certainly quite separate from, Christianity, for the closest value set to relate outside specific values of Wicca itself. Reincarnation isn't a theory, a question or something to ponder with the ages for me. It is a simple fact of life, and part of the life cycle we all follow, and even science should recognize the reasoning to appreciate simplicity. Energy is never lost, as it can only transform. That IS science. We're energy, at least in part, and transform we do. Nothing terribly mystical or hocus pocus about it, anymore than the mico-levels of biology are, despite appearing so to the ignorant.
That helps set the background to give context.
--
Here recently, I ran into a very special woman through my wife. It is one of those meetings that happens a few times in a lifetime for some, and probably never happens at all for a good many, but is basically meeting someone again. Its meeting someone I've known before, to put it simply. Long before, and in the above context. I've met a few in my life, and they've recognized me or at least the familiarity was there right off. I'll also say, before now, those I've come to know, again, have been aware of their own past, in at least general ways, for it all to make sense from well before I met them.
This person is different..in several ways. First, she isn't aware of her own past, beyond knowing there is a lot there she can't explain or well handle to consider. Deja Vu is a regular occurrence with her (like several times a week), for instance..and taken alone, that means absolutely nothing. Taken with a learned and trusted ability to sense a lot about other people, coupled with everything else about her, its her own potential she isn't seeing for what it is, yet.
A great deal of confusion leading to inner turmoil, if that makes sense.
--
She's also had one hell of a time so far for a girl of 25. Tho 80+% of my sense and judgement about her was made before I knew a fraction of what I do now. The resolve and feeling of needing to help, was set before as well. I'm not one to fall for sympathy..and some effort on her part to play it ..if only a bit..has almost been funny, given how unnecessary it is.
She's also different in being someone (....and this won't make sense for many, I know that, and so be it ....) who exudes power. Raw, and right now, uncontrolled and chaotic energy with an almost primal edge..if anything, having used it to manipulate, and nothing better...I'm thinking. She'd be scary in a very real way, if she learned to focus that and it were focused directly on someone. Now it's beaten down by abuse, self and physically/mentally inflicted by others.
--
To give some idea of what I mean here... I avoid eye contact with folks in life, because I've learned since I was young it makes people distinctly uncomfortable, for an intensity I don't mean, or have an ability to really control. So I avoid it out of courtesy. Later in life, I've begun learning to use that when required...but that is a whole different thread. Looking at most people's eyes directly, it is as much to examine eye color as sense anything more than inherent intelligence and basic basic mood, but little else.
Some here may well know what I mean by describing that.
This lady is hard to see eye color at all, though, and for the pure passion and rush of emotion ebbing and flowing. Passion...in depth of whatever emotion is present, NOT in suggesting anything sexy or sensual. Too much turmoil for that to be anything but another survival mechanism to use right now, and I can see that in her.
--
Now I mentioned I felt and made a dozen judgments about this person very shortly after first meeting her, because the familiarity was THAT strong. Not a 'Highlander' movie rush. Nothing remotely like that, actually. In its own way, and for what it is, it is just as stark and unmistakable when it hits strongly, however. I felt the crying for help, I've since seen break down into physical crying a few times. Mixed in depth of sincerity, but none if it is fake, or misplaced.
Since then, I've learned the depth and detail of her 'hell of a past', official criminal and more, including the background of a guy she is trying to, and needs to, get clear from. She's on probation for a theft issue, which she was entirely honest about, and has had other minor issues. Also a kid she lost and is trying to get back for some bad choices....but not abuse. DFS defined neglect and lesser of two parental choices, as a good summary of the case headers. On the upside, she has done nothing to preclude her from getting into school, or tech training to get some confidence and skills...and I happen to work where helping in making that happen isn't hard to do.
--
If it isn't obvious by now, romantic interest isn't it, and my wife is among the more forgiving of the two of us in wanting to help this girl, though we both feel we've known her ...and my wife and I met, n part, from past recollection experiences, if I'd never mentioned that to some here before (As noted...reincarnation isn't theory to me. It's how life works, and has proven itself in multiple ways).
If I didn't have the sensory aspect, and reading what I have deep in her......added to a profound and strong intelligence that flat doesn't fit the self abuse she's become fond of for self amusement (err... I seem to attract the de-tox needy..)....? If none of that existed? I might frankly see what we discuss, write about, and have collectively learned to stop caring about a long long time ago here and among the CT Community....or some went bonkers over caring too much as News hounds and/or citizen journalists. She'd quite possibly strike me as an attractive but likely doomed pill junkie who chose her own adventure.
Those things DO exist tho...and they exist as factors too meaningful to ignore. Too strong to miss...and I'm not alone to have been struck this same way in spending time with her.
----
I guess I just needed to articulate some of what I've been working through in an unexpected situation here recently...and I wonder, have others been through something like this in a way that terms used above all make sense?
If so, and I mean, if it truly makes sense..then perhaps another question will too. When does the obligation to help, under the circumstances, take second to the challenge it poses?
Thanks for listening to a tired bunny working through one of life's little challenges for decisions and karmic balance points.
Some background would simply be that I'm Wiccan, comfortable and certain in my faith as it tends to coexist with, but certainly quite separate from, Christianity, for the closest value set to relate outside specific values of Wicca itself. Reincarnation isn't a theory, a question or something to ponder with the ages for me. It is a simple fact of life, and part of the life cycle we all follow, and even science should recognize the reasoning to appreciate simplicity. Energy is never lost, as it can only transform. That IS science. We're energy, at least in part, and transform we do. Nothing terribly mystical or hocus pocus about it, anymore than the mico-levels of biology are, despite appearing so to the ignorant.
That helps set the background to give context.
--
Here recently, I ran into a very special woman through my wife. It is one of those meetings that happens a few times in a lifetime for some, and probably never happens at all for a good many, but is basically meeting someone again. Its meeting someone I've known before, to put it simply. Long before, and in the above context. I've met a few in my life, and they've recognized me or at least the familiarity was there right off. I'll also say, before now, those I've come to know, again, have been aware of their own past, in at least general ways, for it all to make sense from well before I met them.
This person is different..in several ways. First, she isn't aware of her own past, beyond knowing there is a lot there she can't explain or well handle to consider. Deja Vu is a regular occurrence with her (like several times a week), for instance..and taken alone, that means absolutely nothing. Taken with a learned and trusted ability to sense a lot about other people, coupled with everything else about her, its her own potential she isn't seeing for what it is, yet.
A great deal of confusion leading to inner turmoil, if that makes sense.
--
She's also had one hell of a time so far for a girl of 25. Tho 80+% of my sense and judgement about her was made before I knew a fraction of what I do now. The resolve and feeling of needing to help, was set before as well. I'm not one to fall for sympathy..and some effort on her part to play it ..if only a bit..has almost been funny, given how unnecessary it is.
She's also different in being someone (....and this won't make sense for many, I know that, and so be it ....) who exudes power. Raw, and right now, uncontrolled and chaotic energy with an almost primal edge..if anything, having used it to manipulate, and nothing better...I'm thinking. She'd be scary in a very real way, if she learned to focus that and it were focused directly on someone. Now it's beaten down by abuse, self and physically/mentally inflicted by others.
--
To give some idea of what I mean here... I avoid eye contact with folks in life, because I've learned since I was young it makes people distinctly uncomfortable, for an intensity I don't mean, or have an ability to really control. So I avoid it out of courtesy. Later in life, I've begun learning to use that when required...but that is a whole different thread. Looking at most people's eyes directly, it is as much to examine eye color as sense anything more than inherent intelligence and basic basic mood, but little else.
Some here may well know what I mean by describing that.
This lady is hard to see eye color at all, though, and for the pure passion and rush of emotion ebbing and flowing. Passion...in depth of whatever emotion is present, NOT in suggesting anything sexy or sensual. Too much turmoil for that to be anything but another survival mechanism to use right now, and I can see that in her.
--
Now I mentioned I felt and made a dozen judgments about this person very shortly after first meeting her, because the familiarity was THAT strong. Not a 'Highlander' movie rush. Nothing remotely like that, actually. In its own way, and for what it is, it is just as stark and unmistakable when it hits strongly, however. I felt the crying for help, I've since seen break down into physical crying a few times. Mixed in depth of sincerity, but none if it is fake, or misplaced.
Since then, I've learned the depth and detail of her 'hell of a past', official criminal and more, including the background of a guy she is trying to, and needs to, get clear from. She's on probation for a theft issue, which she was entirely honest about, and has had other minor issues. Also a kid she lost and is trying to get back for some bad choices....but not abuse. DFS defined neglect and lesser of two parental choices, as a good summary of the case headers. On the upside, she has done nothing to preclude her from getting into school, or tech training to get some confidence and skills...and I happen to work where helping in making that happen isn't hard to do.
--
If it isn't obvious by now, romantic interest isn't it, and my wife is among the more forgiving of the two of us in wanting to help this girl, though we both feel we've known her ...and my wife and I met, n part, from past recollection experiences, if I'd never mentioned that to some here before (As noted...reincarnation isn't theory to me. It's how life works, and has proven itself in multiple ways).
If I didn't have the sensory aspect, and reading what I have deep in her......added to a profound and strong intelligence that flat doesn't fit the self abuse she's become fond of for self amusement (err... I seem to attract the de-tox needy..)....? If none of that existed? I might frankly see what we discuss, write about, and have collectively learned to stop caring about a long long time ago here and among the CT Community....or some went bonkers over caring too much as News hounds and/or citizen journalists. She'd quite possibly strike me as an attractive but likely doomed pill junkie who chose her own adventure.
Those things DO exist tho...and they exist as factors too meaningful to ignore. Too strong to miss...and I'm not alone to have been struck this same way in spending time with her.
----
I guess I just needed to articulate some of what I've been working through in an unexpected situation here recently...and I wonder, have others been through something like this in a way that terms used above all make sense?
If so, and I mean, if it truly makes sense..then perhaps another question will too. When does the obligation to help, under the circumstances, take second to the challenge it poses?
Thanks for listening to a tired bunny working through one of life's little challenges for decisions and karmic balance points.
