What You Need to Know About the Coming Jellyfish Apocalypse

Now that's some innovative thinking outside of the box business plan! However, be warned!

1. First you must apply for and receive a small business license. 

2. You will be required to drink copious amounts of water in order to service the customers. No alcohol

3. Tou will be required to submit to urine testing on a weekly basis to ensure that no contaminates are found within the urine.

4. You will require a extremely large insurance plan, specifically malpractice.

5. You will more than likely require a damn good lawyer as well.

6. Your new business will be taxed at 60% gross in order to cover the Organic Medicine Act.

7. You will be required to have a filter system surgically implanted within your penis, which will require the filter to be replaced every week via the urethra tube (which may cause some discomfort) by law in order to ensure that no unknown contaminants be passed from you to the patient.

8. Said filters will cost approximately $1500.00 dollars per unit and must be obtained through the CDC.

9. You must become a licensed urologist prior to becoming a licensed small business practitioner in the art of salving Jellyfish stings.

10. You cannot refuse treating anybody, through the PPACA, even if they don't have the funds or the common sense to stay out of Jellyfish infested waters.

11. Good Luck and welcome to the New America...where every one is a winner!